Real people, real stories

Kate Connolly

Compliance Business Partner, Liberty

Recovering alcoholic
I am in recovery from alcohol addiction. Whilst this does not define me, it is an important part of who I am. My reality is that I still attend AA meetings 2-3 times per week to keep myself honest and stay connected to the programme that saved my life.

Beyond the portrait
People often want to know what precipitated my decision to get sober, and the truth is there was no seminal traumatic event. My teens and 20’s can be best described as a pain/ pleasure/ pain cycle, before becoming predominantly painful. This was mostly due to trying to ‘manage’ my addictions (there was also an eating disorder) in secret. I especially didn’t want to admit to having a problem with alcohol because of the stigma around it – particularly as a woman.

About 5 and a half years ago, I hit my personal rock bottom. I woke up one morning and realised, I cannot go on like this anymore. My life had become so small. I had few friends left. My family didn’t want anything to do with me. My career prospects were minimal. In short – had I lived, I would not have had much to live for. On that fateful Saturday morning, when I had had enough, I googled my nearest AA meeting. I have not looked back.

The first few years were difficult, daunting and draining: I was attending meetings every morning before going to work and then doing a full day in the office. I was also studying the Legal Practice Course at the time on an evening course. I think being so busy kept me going in a way.

Embracing the power of my difference
I don’t think I would have been able to conceive of my life today when I got sober. My career has flourished. I have amazing friends and I have rebuilt the bridges I burned with my family. I am completely independent, and I have an incredibly full life.

In recovery, they refer to the rock bottom moment which brings you to your knees as the ‘gift of desperation’. I thought that when I went into AA my life was over. In fact, it was just beginning. Through my recovery I have had the privilege of meeting myself on a much deeper level than I ever otherwise would have. I believe that it has made me a better person, friend, and colleague: more tolerant, understanding, and empathic.

Building #BraverCultures
Being teetotal is less stigmatised than ever before, and I am grateful to live in such a world. However, that doesn’t make owning up to having a problem and asking for help any easier. One thing they say about addiction is ‘addiction is the one disease that can convince you that you haven’t got it’. If writing this means that one person is encouraged to ask for help, or if I can facilitate better understanding of addiction, that would be more than enough for me. An alcoholic is not always the person passed out on a park bench or pouring vodka into their Cornflakes for breakfast. Which is what I (rather arrogantly) thought before I got into recovery.

Of course, there are days when I wish I could ‘be like everybody else’ and have a drink. I am grateful that those days are few and far between. Nobody has a ‘perfect life’ – despite how things may appear on the outside (or on Instagram). It is a privilege to be able to authentically share my story in the spirit of diversity and inclusion, and I thank you for reading it.

Wayne Page

Head of Inclusion and Diversity, Brit Insurance

Out of the Closet
What many people won’t know about me is that I was married to a woman before coming out as gay. Accepting my sexuality was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and it’s not always been a straightforward path.

Beyond the portrait
My upbringing wasn’t easy, I was raised by a single mum on benefits on a not very nice council estate in South East London (thankfully now demolished!). This presented challenges for me around opportunities, access to education and services.

Growing up in the 80’s in London, there were no gay role models, nobody in my life to ask questions and no internet. I did what I thought I had to do and that was get married to a woman, have a family, make a home, not realising that there was a whole other part of me that I needed to embrace to be my real, authentic self.

This eventually happened after almost 10 years – there’s an analogy that living a secret life is like a pot of boiling water; you can keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn’t boil over and for the most part just watch it, but if it starts boiling over then you’re in trouble. I could sense my ‘pot overboiling’ in 2010 and took the decision to end my marriage and live my true life. Not always easy but I know that I’m happier being honest with myself when I look in the mirror.

Embracing the power of my difference
The positive of my lived experience is that it gives me an understanding of life on 2 different sides, helps me to understand people who face challenges in similar situations, whether that’s regarding sexual orientation, gender, faith or other non-visible protected characteristic. It gives me a more balanced view on life – you never know what someone may be dealing with.

Building #BraverCultures
One of the ways I have worked at building braver cultures is to encourage conversation, both within teams across the business but also with me. I have taken the time to show that I wasn’t the ‘red card police’, waiting to trip people up and blow a whistle the second somebody used an outdated term, or asked for help with understanding an inclusion initiative. This has taken time and trust, which is a two-way relationship. I’ve shown that you can be curious, you can make mistakes. None of us are perfect, as long as you are respectful and inclusive in your approach. Brit have really come a long way in a short time!

Lilian Marais

Business Analyst, DUAL Group

Motor Neurone Disease
I’m a South African tomboy, who moved to New Zealand and worked my way up the insurance industry from typist to Senior Underwriter. I’ve experienced bad health, unnecessary surgery, and a diagnosis of Motor Neurone Disease, but I know that my life is defined only by my attitude.

Beyond the portrait
A few years ago, I was diagnosed with potential Upper Motor Neurone Disease. That followed a misdiagnosis and unnecessary hip replacement in 2011. Since the hip replacement I have had physical disabilities, with restrictions to my ability to walk.

Embracing the power of my difference
I don’t generally view myself as disabled. With a tomboy-history I was used to riding motorcycles, playing tennis, even sometimes digging into the pain of paintball – all those abilities are now either diminished or gone. I am however still confident in myself and hold my head high. I know I have a lot to offer in various areas and I am approachable and willing to share information to help others grow and develop. I have a sense of humour that is sometimes a little inappropriate, but this also means I can laugh at myself.

I accept my disability for what it is. And I accept I have emotionally and physically challenging and heavy days. Even when I see people staring, I take comfort in the fact that I am a strong woman, fulfilled at work and in my marriage. It is not something everyone enjoys. The most important lesson I have learnt is to ‘get up again’ no matter what.

Building #BraverCultures
I hope I inspire people to enjoy life to the full. All I desire is for people who struggle with any kind of challenge to understand there is help, truth and peace to be had.

I firmly believe that “Your Attitude determines your Altitude in life.” No one is automatically entitled to promotions or special treatment – these things are earned.

Jourden Langhorn

Manager, Risk Aggregation Team, Brit Insurance

Nervous breakdown
Five years ago, I had a nervous breakdown. Despite succeeding at work, building a career and winning praise, I didn’t really know who I was. I was struck with unbearable anxiety and derealisation, and every day was a struggle. My body was giving me a signal: what do you really want? Where do you really need to be?

Beyond the portrait
Looking back there were signs throughout my life, but when my mental health became a major issue for me, it happened very suddenly.

At the time, I was working long hours including weekends. This was my choice, but I was going above and beyond to try and impress. I found the more I was complimented, the harder I worked. But this created pressure to deliver and the need for validation, which both increased as people came to expect me to maintain such a high level. I started to lose sensitivity of feelings and there was this tired blandness to tasks and life.

Everything came to a head when I woke up one day unable to function. I was so anxious I had to constantly pace up and down the living room. I had a sense of derealisation (worth googling), which really scared me, more than the anxiety. In short, I’d had a nervous breakdown.

I went to hospital and took three weeks off work, and I felt better. But it raised its head again as soon as I went back to work. Each day was a struggle. I had a diazepam in my wallet ‘just in case’. But gradually, day by day, I started to feel better.

I thought, or hoped, that was the end of it. But a year and a half later I suffered the same situation, taking months to get back to feeling ‘normal’. I now know that there is a risk that this can repeat if I don’t live the right life for me.

Embracing the power of my difference
My life has been enriched in many ways by confronting my mental health, how I really feel and who I really am.

Nearly all of us will have some kind of issue we are dealing with – in some cases these are surprisingly significant, even if everybody seems fine.

My advice is not to ignore what you are feeling and be proactive. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Something in your life is not working, and you’re not the only one. Go and see someone, whether a doctor, psychiatrist or therapist. They will help you understand if you need support, tell you the options and guide you through.

The key message is if you feel something, do something. If you feel anxious or depressed, even mildly, you should see someone. In the same way you will see a doctor if you have physical concerns, you should do the same for mental health. Learn about how you think. It’s only going to give you an edge in life. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Building #BraverCultures
We can be more open about mental health. If mental health is made a more common part of conversation, it will make people more comfortable.

The truth is we are all dealing with something, whether or not we admit it, and even if we are functioning ‘well’. Your own mental well-being is always worth exploring. It also needs to be something you are prepared to invest time in, as there are never easy fixes or quick solutions. But don’t be put off by bumps and setbacks.

Racha Moukayed

Managing Director, Howden

Stefan Buchberger

Data Business Partner, Howden

Ana Cristina Netto

Executive Secretary, Howden

Andrew Hetherington

Actuary, Brit Insurance

Katie Brickell

Divisional Director, Howden

Cancer survivor
At the age of 23, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and given just two years to live. But today I am cancer-free and the mother of a beautiful, funny, smart, and incredibly stubborn 3 year old! I am (humbly acknowledging) glad to be a bit of a medical miracle.

Beyond the portrait
As a working parent, I face challenges on a daily basis; creating a work-family-life balance, ensuring I am emotionally and physically supporting and enjoying my daughter, co-running a household, holding a demanding job that involves client and market interactions, strategic decisions, line management responsibilities and looking after my own health (and breathe!).

But, my story to motherhood was not a straight-forward one. You see I was diagnosed with cervical cancer when I was 23. Back then I thought the chance to become a parent was impossible. I was offered, and took, the option to freeze my eggs due to having treatment that would make me sterile and I also had a hysterectomy, taking away any chance I had to carry a child. But then, on top of everything, I was given the devastating news that my cancer was stage 4 and I would only have 2 years to live. I thought I would never be a Mum as I wouldn’t live to be given the chance to.

Fast forward through intense chemotherapy and radiotherapy and I managed to surpass doctors’ expectations and 2 years after my original diagnosis I was given the news that there was no evidence of cancer in my body.....news that I am glad to say has been repeated every year since!

I always knew I wanted to be a parent and surrogacy was now our only option to having a genetically related child. No lie, surrogacy for us was an emotionally challenging and difficult journey and we struggled. We wanted to wait until my health had been stable for a number of years and then it was a long and awkward process.

But then the most amazing thing happened. My wonderful school friend reached out and offered to be our surrogate. We then started our surrogacy journey with her, with the love and support of all our families, and the rest as they say is history! We were successful with our first embryo transfer and our daughter, who is genetically mine and my husbands, was born!

Embracing the power of my difference
There are very old laws surrounding surrogacy in the UK. Firstly, we were not recognised as my daughter’s legal parents when she was born or for several months after, something that affected us mentally. My company was also not legally obliged to offer me any form of maternity leave nor were there any laws protecting me as a mother. Luckily my company was wonderful and I was given the same parental leave options, protections and pay as any other mother. Since then, being the first employee to take surrogacy leave, our company has adjusted their parental leave policy to include non-traditional ways of having a child so I feel proud that my journey may help others behind me.

Building #BraverCultures
I would encourage managers and companies to engage in open and transparent conversations with their full-time working parents. I have been able to experience both condensed working hours (meaning I was valued and measured for my output rather than the number of hours I kept) and agile hybrid working, and these really help with my work-family-life balance. I always look for ways to utilise my experiences as a working parent to help others and to assist my company to expand the boundaries of our culture and ways of working. I also want to show my daughter that you can do whatever you want to do and I hope I inspire her to reach her dreams!

Stacy Higgs

Senior Claims Executive, Howden

Bipolar
At the age of 20 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I found diagnosis difficult and had to re-learn my limits – something that as, a young ambitious woman, I wasn’t too happy to hear. But getting help at a crucial time meant that my mood swings became manageable, and I now have a life I never thought possible.

Beyond the portrait
As a person with a non-visible disability, I have to proactively manage my health to have a career, a family and a life I love. Bipolar symptoms are different for everyone, but most people experience uncontrollable highs and lows (mania and depression). For the rest of my life I will be unable to control my moods without medication, therapy, a good support system and proactive self-management.

Finding the right balance between my personal goals and mental health was a lengthy, often difficult journey that took many years. In that time, despite proactive management, I would find that my lows would render me isolated, crippled by depression, guilt and anxiety and my highs at their best could lead to a few embarrassing stories or at their worst dangerous and life threatening situations.

There was little reprieve between each cycle, each feeding the other. Imagine an elastic band; the further you pull it back the harder the snap. Due to this initial instability I found myself at times homeless and alone choosing to not burden others with my illness.

Embracing the power of my difference
Mental disability is only half the story. Getting help meant that I now have lengthy periods of being within a manageable mood range, sometimes lasting years. And whilst it hasn’t been simple for me to pursue a career, I undertook a degree in law and eventually found myself in insurance.

Proactively managing my condition meant accepting myself for who I am. Through accepting myself I have become confident and personable. I thrive in social situations, and I enjoy managing others and public speaking. Depression is currently the most debilitating side effect of my bipolar, as it can be hard to see positives through a low mood. However, it does help me to be empathetic towards others’ feelings and emotions, which enables me to build strong working relationships.

I now have a career I’m proud of, a home, family, friends and I am getting married next year. All things I nor others didn’t believe was possible.

Building #BraverCultures
Imagine being so acutely aware of your potential yet seeing your life implode around you; destroying everything you have worked to achieve. Being unable to take that call, making mistakes, the inability to step outside your front door, talking embarrassing nonsense at a networking event, failing. Seeing the burden you have to place on your team or your family, and how they support you and pick up the pieces. The guilt, shame and feelings of worthlessness can be overbearing and only add fuel to the bonfire you’ve created.

My story is not in isolation, there are many other successful professionals within the insurance sector suffering from severe mental health issues who are thriving. I imagine there are some that have not had the support I have.

Everyone has a right to a career, to do their job to the best of their ability, and to be themselves. Accepting someone for who they are, and giving them the respect that we all deserve, is key.

For more information on bipolar disorder please visit the MIND website.

Aasaa O'Mallo

Marketing & Communications Officer, Brit Insurance

Mental health
I am a mother to beautiful seven-year-old boy, and I work full-time in London within the Lloyds market. As a result, some people see me simply as a ‘working mum’. However, there’s so many different branches to that title. There is so much more than just “I work and I’m a mum”.

Beyond the portrait
Sometimes I wonder if people created this perception of me based around happiness and joy. I was a young working mother early in my career, and it’s easy to assume I didn’t have many worries. However, behind my big smiles and my big personality is a turbulent journey that seems to take people by surprise.

Mum guilt was always a thing. I would always try to stretch myself to be in two places at once, so I wouldn’t miss anything at work or miss any time with my son. But as you do that, you learn that you can’t be everywhere all the time.

In December 2020 I was diagnosed with depression and high functioning anxiety. That was a real turning point in my life. It led me to deal with things in different ways. I had to be mum and work so that I can run my household but also get well - that was all I saw.

Embracing the power of my difference
After a long and hard journey, and by working with people who genuinely cared about work-life balance, I was able to come through that dark period of my life. I took back control of my identity at work, and I still having an amazing relationship with my son.

Building #BraverCultures
I see everything I have been through as a blessing. I reconnected with myself and I learned more about myself. I work smarter now, in a way that means I can do the things that I need to do for my family and return to work keeping the two separate.

Everything added to my purpose and it almost became more of a motivation, teaching me that there is nothing that I cannot do if I put my mind to it. My experience led me to accept that it does take a village – not just to raise a child, but to get you through your good and bad days and to be able to successfully own who you are. I’m not just Mum, not just an employee, and not just somebody with depression & anxiety. I am an incredibly strong person.

Leticia Almeida

Marketing Analyst, Howden

Solo motherhood
I’m a recently separated working mother of two – 1 year old Isabela, and 5 year old Leonardo. My children are my life, and they keep me busy! During a recent routine appointment, I discovered that I have thyroid cancer.

Beyond the portrait
Some people know how busy a mother’s life is: shopping, bathing, taking care of the house, cooking, waking up early, getting ready for school, taking to school and coming to work… It’s not easy. Every day is like a race!

My daughter Isabela is 1 year old. She is messy and at the same time very affectionate. Leonardo is 5 years old – he’s a sweet, attentive, stubborn and very playful boy.

I recently went for some routine exams, just like I do every year. But this year the tests discovering thyroid cancer.

The doctor told me that this thyroid change is common in women over 30, and they often have no symptoms. It can be benign or malignant. Unfortunately, in my case it is malignant and I will have to undergo surgery to remove it.

I have had the support of my entire team since the beginning, my manager Marina Leitão, the medical management team (Celiano, Larissa, Laíne and Bia) and our president Andoni. I am very grateful for the attention and support!

It took two weeks of exams and now with all performed, I’m waiting for the day of the surgery (29/08), and I hope, when you are reading this, everything will have gone well!

Building #BraverCultures
I share this story of mine to warn everyone to perform their health!

Siobhan Hayden

Accountant, Brit Insurance

Surprised Lesbian
I am fun loving, pink mad, chocoholic accountant married to a physiotherapist. I am a legal guardian to my niece and nephew, and have a demanding job that I love. I’m also a gay woman who didn’t know she was looking for a princess.

Beyond the portrait
I have had a bumpy journey up to my marriage to a female physiotherapist. When I was nineteen, I met a man and thought ‘This is it! I’m going to get married and have children’. We didn’t have children, and we split up after nine years and I was heartbroken. A year later I moved to England. 5 years after my arrival in the UK I moved to Nigeria to be with a man, and was again convinced he was the prince of my dreams. The relationship fell apart within a year, and I returned to England and the safety of friends and family. Then, within a year, I met and fell in love with a woman.

I actually met her when I employed her at another company. We came to be friends, and this grew into something deeper. I remember thinking ‘how has this happened!?’ – I was in shock! Having never had a relationship with a woman, it took some time for me to get my head around it and initially I was scared. But I knew I loved her, and it was what I wanted so we got engaged and then got married five years later. Our marriage makes us better people and I would not change a thing, but it has undoubtedly taken me some very big steps to get here, going from loving a man to loving a woman.

Embracing the power of my difference
People surprise you. When I told my family about my partner, my sister laughed – in a good way, my dad was totally fine (surprisingly), my wife’s 86-year-old grandfather welcomed it, but my mother didn’t speak to me for three months and refused to discuss it for a long time. It can be shocking because those people you think will be the most accepting might have the hardest time. It is all very well saying people need to be comfortable (that is in an ideal world), but you cannot avoid the truth that some people may not react favourably. Luckily in my life that has only been a small percentage.

Building #BraverCultures
Coming from South Africa, where gay people are not tolerated well, makes me realise how important the LGBTQ conversation is.

While I am very comfortable in saying who I am, others don’t always have this confidence, and that is something that I want to help promote. In particular, I know it can be more challenging for women to be open about their sexuality than it is for men, which is why I feel it is so important I am open.

I also know how difficult it can be to be open and comfortable about who you are at work and to be fair my ease at doing this has come with experience. My hope is that the more people like me talk about it, the easier it is for others to, irrespective of their own experiences or sexuality.